A common reply…. I am fine

autumn

Spiraling, out of control
my emotions all over the place.
One minute happy, a change the next
emotions reigned in, kept locked in.

Hands fisted, teeth clenched
too polite to verbalize.
A doormat, stepped on constantly
shouting heard only in my head.

Taught not to answer back,
to always be polite to your elders
not to question authority,
never to be rude in public.

I look at today’s generation
and see envy inside me.
I look at my elders
and see obedience inside me.

I arrive early, always on time
never late, never keep another waiting.
it’s different to the other,
the half-hour has past, I’m still waiting.

I never rebelled as a teenager.
Was I a good daughter?
I never broke the rules.
Does this prove I am good?

I want to shout, to scream
I am here, talk to me.
look at me, see me
a solid being, living and breathing.

A few times, anger got loose.
words spoken fast and furious,
the heart races, no control
afterwards only shame is felt.

That ability to voice out
what my feelings are, silenced.
Locked inside, never allowed to speak out
A common reply…. I am fine.

By C.E. Pereira
(23-8-2014)

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